


Is There Somewhere

by spencerdee



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F, Mass Effect 3: Citadel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 06:34:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8152457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spencerdee/pseuds/spencerdee
Summary: Traynor isn't blind or stupid. She knows that Shepard is madly in love with Tali, and she knows that having a crush on her commanding officer would do nothing good. Life is too short to chase someone chasing someone else, but maybe, just for one night, she'd indulge herself.





	

Communications Specialist Samantha Traynor had only ever gone to one party in her entire life before boarding the Normandy, and that had been a terrible experience. She had not only gotten puked on by a drunk neanderthal, she also suffered from the worst hangover when she woke up some thirteen hours after the party ended. Apparently, she had allowed herself to be deceived into thinking that the drink she'd been given was a simple beer when it was, in fact, a drink favoured by the Krogans and packed a whollop. She'd ended up missing a crucial exam, but had luckily been able to perform well enough in the actual class that her miscalculation had only cost her a small dent in her otherwise prestigious record. Of course, small it may be, the record remained, and Samantha promised herself that she would never go to another party or drink alcohol ever again.

Keeping in mind that promise, when Samantha received the invitation for a part-time job as a bartender at the local club, she never once participated in the vice that filled the other side of the counter.

In Anderson's old apartment, however, some promises threatened to be broken. The biggest of all seemed to be a lifelong motto of the Specialist: "Life is too short to chase someone chasing someone else."

Samantha sat in a beany chair Kasumi had previously occupied, watching with mild amusement as Tali spread her arms in the air while she mimicked the movements of their ship. She had to admit, Tali's impersonation of the Normandy was spot on, especially the sound on their current ship. She couldn't speak for the SR-1, but Ashley's soft nodding informed her that Tali hit that in the bull's eye as well.

A soft smile had just formed on her lips when familiar footsteps entered the group. Samantha didn't need to look to know that it was the pink-haired Commander, but she did anyway.

Tali continued on, reiterating her previous statements for the Commander and remarking on how smooth the Normandy flew now that it was upgraded. Wub-wub-wub was apparently a very calming sound for the Quarian.

While Samantha never had a degree in psychology like the ship's previous yeoman had, she liked to believe she could read people easily enough. The soft tug of her lips into a smile too easy to be anything but genuine affection; the tiny wrinkle that formed between her brows as her eyes watched the performance like a hawk, storing the memory away like a precious trinket; the way her shoulder slouched the momeny she stepped in the same area as the other, as if simply being in her presence was calming enough to chase the demons of the galaxy away.

It didn't take a thousand-year old Asari matriarch to piece together the fact that Commander Shepard, slayer of Reapers and hero of the galaxy, was head over heels in love with the resident Quarian engineer, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy.

Cold glass touched her cheek and Samantha gave a silent yelp at the suddent contact. She looked up to see the sympathetic eyes of the second human Spectre. "Ash?"

The conversation had moved on to another topic while the intoxicated Quarian searched in vain for Kasumi, all the while muttering about murder if the vid wasn't taken down from the extranet before the night ended. Ashley had detached the two of them from whatever James was blabbering about. She waved the drink gently in the air, allowing the blue-green liquid to swirl in an almost hypnothic whirl. "You look like you need it more than me."

Cautious eyes regarded the drink. The vehement 'no, thanks' was about to leave Samantha's lips when she heard Shepard call out to Tali, quietly assuring her that she'd raid the systems herself just to have the vid removed. A headache seemed to be easier to manage than what the sight was giving her.

She grabbed the drink from Ashley's hands, ignoring the girl's smile before downing the entirety of it in one go.

"Woah there, champ," Ashley exclaimed, a laugh tinting her words. "Let's go grab a refill."

-*-*-

_You were dancing in your tube socks in our hotel room,_  
_Flashing those eyes like highway signs._

-*-*-

She wasn't sure how it came to the point that she was flailing her arms in the air to a beat that was now permanently stuck in her brain. She remembered Ashely handing her a drink, and then numerous more after that. There was Jack, suddenly blasting dance music and pulling everyone along to join her in the dance floor.

The biotic had taken up residence on top of a table, doing body rolls that would have made Samantha's face explode a bright red if the alcohol in her system hadn't tinted her cheeks enough. Tali surprised her with her ability to outdance everyone on the floor - it must be why Shepard's got eyes only for her, a part of her brain spat bitterly - and how she was able to keep up with Samantha at reciting the periodic table.

"Sixty-nine-"

"You wish."

"I don't get it."

"I'll tell you about it later."

Jack's wolf whistle was drowned by a voice behind Samantha. "Can I get a lesson later?"

The shiver that erupted down her spine at the dusky voice she usually hear barking out orders under heavy gunfire was nothing short of sinful. It wasn't the first time Shepard had made a comment that resembled something flirtatious - comments which Samantha had ignored or overlooked with fraternization being the least of her worries - but it was the first time the implication was that clear and, dare she say it, delicious.

_No, Sam. You're drunk, and she probably is too. Don't fall for it._

Of course she wasn't the only one that received flirtatious comments from the Commander. Apparently, if she couldn't have the one that she wanted, Shepard would damn well try her hardest to charm the panties off every other female in the ship. Hell, Samantha was more than certain she'd already succeeded with Liara.

The calloused fingers that trailed down her arm snapped Samantha out of any mental images of Shepard and Liara's liason. Goosebumps erupted where the Commander touched her, but as quickly as it began, the touch ended. Shepard stepped into the middle of the dance floor, performing a waddle that Samantha could describe only as the most ridiculous thing she had ever seen.

Of course, if she could actually see herself hopelessly pining for her commanding officer, then even Shepard's awkward dancing would have been blown out of the competition.

Only, after the initial bout of light-hearted insults from her crew, Shepard changed her pace and the movements of her hips took on a more suggestive turn. Jack's loud hooting sounded odd to Samantha's ears, as though she was hearing from underwater. The biotic changed the music to suit the Commander's movements more and Samantha was ready to bolt. If Shepard started to flirt with the drunk Quarian so openly in front of her while looking so utterly irressistable, then... Really, Samantha shouldn't have accepted those drinks.

But, no, Shepard turned her back on the cheering Tali and faced the Comm Specilist with a smirk Samantha swore she could kill a Reaper with.

Samantha felt her breath hitch.

She felt eyes on the back of her head, staring so intently she felt the irrational fear that the Spectre could drill holes through her skull.

Samantha took a step back. Then another. A couple more and she was moving away from the scene in front of her, muttering a half-hearted excuse to the rest of the crew.

-*-*-

_But your lips hang heavy underneath me._  
_And I promised myself I wouldn't let you complete me._

-*-*-

Rapid footsteps echoed in the quiet part of the apartment. Samantha waved at Liara, who was sitting at the organ, idly playing with its keys but not quite producing music. Smiles were exchanged, but nothing more. She knew not to mess with the Shadow Broker - a tidbit of information that EDI had once again let slip - but she couldn't, for the life of her, understand why Liara kept out of her way. There was something in the asari's eyes, something that Samantha couldn't quite place.

She headed to an empty room, thinking to take a moment to clear her head and sober up. Drunken thoughts entertained images of her and the Commander, tangled in a fit of passion with whispered promises shared between them. It was a ridiculous notion; ridiculous and painful. Samantha couldn't let them fester in her mind.

Footsteps, heavier than hers were, entered the living area. Samantha listened to them pause, and then Liara speaking in hushed tones that Samantha wouldn't have been able to catch if her hearing were any less as good as they were.

"Don't do it," was all that was said, and Samantha knew Liara enough to guess what sort of face she was making. What it was that she was talking about eluded Samantha, especially since she had no idea who the asari was warning off.

_Don't be daft. You know who it is._

She shook her head, willing the voices to go away because, of course, they were right. She knew who it was without hearing the grunted reply. She knew who it was even before the door opened, revealing the muscular frame of the Commander.

"Traynor," she greeted casually, as if the woman in front of her wasn't paling as though she might pass out at any second.

Samantha took a deep breath, composing herself for a moment and looking everywhere but at the Commander. A beat passed between them before she was able to look at the woman, a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes on her lips. "Commander."

"You left." Again, stated with that casual aloofness that seemed to define Shepard as much as killing Reapers did.

I didn't think you'd notice. "I just needed a bit of fresh air. I think I'll head back n-"

The air was pulled from her lungs as strong hands pushed her down on the soft mattress and held her there. Eyes sparkling light the most spectacular emeralds Samantha had ever seen stared her down, flickering every now and then from her eyes to her lips.

"Co-Commander?"

There was silence between them, with Samantha hearing nothing but her traitorous heartbeat clammoring in her chest.

Shepard leaned in until Samantha swore she could almost taste the dozens of shots of vodka that the Commander had taken throughout the night. "Push me off, and I'll leave."

The hold on her shoulders lessened, and Samantha knew that Shepard wasn't lying. At that moment, the control was given to her. The decision to continue or to put an end to it was in her hands. Samantha had never been more scared in her life.

_Life is too short to chase someone chasing someone else._

Her hands find the sleeves of Shepard's shirt, and for a brief moment, she could see a flash of something that looked oddly like hurt inthe woman's eyes.

_Fuck it. Life's too short to keep second guessing._

With a quick tug - before she could think about the reprecussions, before she could convince herself otherwise - she pulled the Commander in, relishing in the kiss that tasted like the sweetness of mango vodka and the bitterness of lingering hurt.

-*-*-

_And I try to refrain but you're stuck in my brain._  
_And all I do is cry and complain because second's not the same_

-*-*-

The light of simulated morning from the apartment's windows brought with it the clarity that had been missing the night prior. Samantha was the first to wake, at exactly 0500 hours according to her OmniTool, and was nursing a headache that, while bearable, made her movements sluggish. She was ready to admonish herself for breaking the promise she'd made all those years ago - alcohol and her never seemed to mix well - when her hand fell on the exposed skin of another person sharing the bed with her.

_Oh bollocks._

The Commander was still, surprisingly, asleep. Her brows weren't furrowed in a violent mix of concentration and stress as they'd been ever since the Reapers first attacked Earth. Rather, she seemed relax and as at peace as she could be considering the galaxy's current situation. It was an odd sight, and one that Samantha found herself wanting to wake up to for the rest of her days.

_Damn that woman._

She'd slept with the Commander. Worse, she'd slept with the Commander while they were both drunk and not thinking clearly. It was a painful thought, but somehow Samantha couldn't bring it in herself to regret a thing. If she could, she'd have made the circumstances different, but if she only had one night with the Commander, then she would take it.

She played for keeps, but Shepard seemed to throw the entire game out of the window and do things her own way.

She allowed herself another moment to look at the woman, to fully memorize her features before they went back to being the heroic and enigmatic Commander Shepard, and her awkward Communications Specialist.

She stood, letting the blanket fall of her body as she retrieved her discarded clothing.

She'd just finished buttoning on her uniform when the woman on the bed shuffled, mouth forming inaudible words. She was still asleep, clearly dreaming.

Something constricted in Samantha's chest as she walked away, not wanting to find out just who it was the Commander was dreaming about. She gave one last look at the forbidden fruit - a fruit that's death to taste - before heading out of the room, intent on nursing her hangover with a cold shower and plenty of advil.

_Dammit, Samantha. Life is too short to chase someone chasing someone else._

A dark chuckle escaped her lips as she entered the living room and noticed that some of the others had already awoken. Her eyes were set on the Quarian, groaning about her own terrible hangover and an omni tattoo that seemed way too badass for the young girl in Samantha's opinion. She didn't miss how Garrus, someone she knew for a fact Shepard considered a brother, tended to the Quarian's needs.

She almost rolled her eyes at the voice berating her in her mind. _Tell that to the Commander._

-*-*-

_I'm sorry but I fell in love tonight._  
_I didn't mean to fall in love tonight_

-*-*-

When Shepard entered the room about half an hour later, most of the others had awoken and helped themselves to breakfast. Liara was quick to approach the woman, looking every bit like a disappointed parent. Samantha watched on.

"How could you?" the Asari harshly whispered, careful to be quiet enough that none of the others would hear.

Shepard attempted to shrug her off and move towards where Miranda was preparing pancakes with Turian and Quarian friendly ingredients, but Liara was relentless. The hand on Shepard's chest could have been perceived as loving by anyone else, but the three women concerned knew better.

"She deserves more than that," Liara stated, her tone softer. Samantha averted her eyes, not sure why the Asari even cared for her.

Shepard, for her part, looked apologetic enough. She gave Liara a half-hearted shrug. "We all do."

This time, when she attempted to bypass the Shadow Broker, Liara moved to the side. She watched with rapt attention as the Commander grabbed two plates from Miranda, asking about the ingredients and making sure that one of what she had used a dairy substitute before she sat down next to the Specialist.

Ignoring the surprised look given to her, Shepard offered the dairy free pancake stack towards Samantha, a small smile tugging at the edges of her lips.

"Thank you, Commander."

-*-*-

_You're looking like you fell in love tonight._  
_Could we pretend that we're in love?_

~fin~

**Author's Note:**

> This was the product of three days stuck in traffic. I still cannot write sex scenes for some reason, but when I do, I might edit this to include their night together. I have an image of how it happened, but it's so hard to put it to words.


End file.
